


darkness and the space it occupies

by regim0n_z



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Jealousy, KH1 timeline, Pining, Stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25972813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regim0n_z/pseuds/regim0n_z
Summary: Riku experiences what it really means to be alone.
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edits are pending on the chapters I currently have posted as I continue to add more. Despite that, I hope you enjoy my little fic, please have a good day.

In a scummy abandoned house hidden away in a scummy Traverse Town hole, there was a wizard that Sora liked to visit a lot. Not just like the friends he made in this town, this one appeared to be a mentor of his. Like Maleficent was for Riku. One time and the next, Sora would pay a visit to the wizard, and he would leave with just a breath of new magical technique. Just a tiny, tiny amount. A tiny more each time. Creeping carefully and deliberately into the wealth of technique Riku already garnered himself. 

He would watch Sora leave, and the next battle he and his unintelligent friends encountered, Sora would be spraying a new element of magic into the field. Not with much proficiency yet, but, still. More than before.

He was learning, growing. And he was doing it without someone like Riku to bash the knowledge into his thick skull. Just, some old wizard.

And what was Riku doing? What was Riku actually accomplishing? It didn’t feel like a lot.

He knew that scummy house too. It was inside the same dank grotto he’d hidden himself away in more than once, and he’d examined it thoroughly before the wizard appeared too. It laid in a state of disrepair, with moldy wallpaper that peeled away from stone, the stone behind that crumbling apart. The house’s contents were old and broken. It wasn’t worth staying two minutes inside its walls for all the must lingering on the air and how it made his lungs burn. The house reminded him too much of home anyway, the way it was isled in the midst of this swampy pond of muck. Like it was Riku’s own personal hell.

Yet when Sora entered the house that wizard would appear, and Riku would watch inside its windows and see warmth, and comfort, and everything that pissed him off, that he didn’t uncover on his own. Little items of furniture, dishware, books magically danced around inside and Sora took aim at them, striking them out of the air with his newly-learned spells. 

Not violently. They didn’t shatter or break from impact. Instead they comically spun around in place, and crumbled down to the floor in defeat. Like something you’d see in a cartoon. Silliness followed Sora.

One time when Riku waited, patiently as a predator, an intolerant amount of time for Sora to finish up his lesson and leave, finally, Riku stormed inside the house after him to take care of the wizard. Or something to that degree. 

Something like, Sora doesn’t deserve to get stronger. Sora doesn’t need more help, was going through his head at the time.

But the wizard, along with the floating furniture and the comforting, warm interior were gone. Just must and crumbling stone and moldy floors like it’d been before. Riku became so angry he blasted a new hole in the wall.

He left, and on that day he told himself he wouldn’t go back. Told himself he didn’t need to see Sora more like this.

But he did go back. Just a few days later, when some of his scouts notified him the keybearer was around that area. He really should have told them off. He didn’t. He went back.

And he watched, silently, with the same subtle rage that trickled across his muscles and made his fingers twitch. He watched as Sora, and the wizard, and the unintelligent ones examined the hole he made with quizzical laughter. And he watched as the wizard taught Sora a little spell to fix the wall up better than ever. Sora did a dance when he got it right on the first try. 

Riku didn’t know why it made him so ridiculously, tremendously, fervidly jealous. Because it was a totally useless spell anyway. 

Now there was a fairy that lived inside the wizard’s house, and sometimes Sora liked to stay and visit with her too. The fairy looked more or less like a scared old woman. Who in the world made friends with scared old women? Sora did.

During one of his visits, the fairy presented Sora with a tiny object from the palm of her hand. She gave him a small set of verbal instructions with it, which consisted of smiles and giggles and pinching Sora’s cheeks like a grandma would, and Sora held the stone to his heart and looked like he made a wish on it. In a burst of light, or his own magic, a creature sprung forward into life before them.

It was a small deer. A happy looking thing with rose cheeks and big glossy eyes and weak little legs it used to prance and jump around. The kind of thing Riku wanted to crush between his fingers. From the window, he watched Sora drop to his knees and give the thing a hug. 

Sora had really done that. He had literally called into existence another friend from his heart. 

He literally _conjured_ it.

Riku could do that too, conjure little creatures from his heart. But these creatures were shadows. He summoned them by calling forth all the worst, most painful feelings from the depths of himself. It hurt at first, but it got easier each time.

And he could summon large shadows too. Gigantic, oppressive, destructive shadows, with teeth and razor sharp claws, capable of slicing and gnashing and eating up whatever pathetic, doe-eyed creature of happiness Sora was capable of throwing at it.

Did Sora know that? Of course he had to know that. Of course he had to know how much better than him Riku was.

But did he care? He was busy laughing and playing around with his new friend. 

Another one. Another new friend to add to his new friends roster.

Riku’s jaw clenched. Because Sora was going to befriend every living thing in the universe before he came to find him. Now he was even creating them out of thin air. 

When was Sora going to notice him? What did any measure of darkness or power or fear matter when all he did was project it into the void? When was Sora going to notice!

Hours passed and Riku hardly noticed Sora wasn’t even there anymore, that he was sitting alone in an abandoned cave, half melted a hole of dark energy through the floor in his brooding. A voice in his head told him he was wasting his time with these useless kinds of fixations, but he didn’t care. He got up, kicked aside another slab of broken stone and stormed away into a dark portal of his making. 

_Stop devoting so much attention to the boy_ , the voice continued.

_He isn’t a part of our plan._

__

__

He will never understand the depths of your power.

_You have greater potential than he will ever know._

But the ringing in his ears overpowered the voice. He could hardly hear it anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Riku kept hidden away, watching, brooding. While Sora kept out in the open, parading to new worlds and collecting friendships on the way. The two couldn’t be any less similar now. 

It was beginning to get hard for Riku to remember that just a few short months ago, both of them lived, together, in the same place of light. His own departure from the islands felt like a natural progression. He wished upon it, just like the others did too, and the door opened. The storm came for him and it took him away to the outside world. 

Only Sora chose not to go with him.

The Sora he knew was meek. Not too strong, not too smart. He hardly ever refused to do something Riku did first. Yet, still, Sora chose not to follow him. That was the moment he stopped being himself. Not the Sora Riku knew anymore.

So why, after the choice he had made, why was he the one that got to live out in the open, go about the worlds and do whatever he wanted, while Riku had to hide in the shadows?

 _Things will be different_ , the voice always cooed inside his head, _Soon, the worlds will bend their knee to you_.

Was that really what he wanted though? He had made it to the outside world. But what came next? Riku thought if he kept looking hard enough, his answer might be found in Sora.

So he spent an exhausting amount of hours following his “friend” throughout the worlds, not sleeping, not eating, watching for the moment when Sora was isolated. Which was surprisingly difficult. Sora and his new friends seemed attached at the hip. Just like they used to be when they were kids. Which he tried not to think about. But did anyway.

And the times he chose not to stalk Sora and actually tend to his body’s needs, he'd lie awake in the bed Maleficent gave him. Anxiety churning a storm inside of him. He just couldn’t turn his mind off. He couldn’t stop thinking about the openings he was missing. What Sora was doing without him. Who Sora was talking to, who took up all of Sora’s time, who got to see Sora’s smile.

Riku could follow him to the ends of the universe. Sora would never notice him. Never look for him. Never think of him. He was really going to have to drag Sora back with him, unwilling.

And then what? Riku hadn’t thought that far yet.

He only didn’t have the time to ruminate when Maleficent was ordering him out to other worlds, to spread darkness and chaos and such throughout. Whether the chores were an annoyance, or a reprieve from his own anxieties, he couldn’t decide.

Riku already knew he was better than the lot of them, Maleficent and her goons. He knew they liked to boss him around because it made them feel above him, not feel as weak as they actually were. He’d bite. And not just because Sora was also crossing paths with each of them, and fussing up their schemes in their respective worlds. That was just a coincidence.  
Riku could tag along and pull the strings, keep an eye on his friend all the while, and let his allies handle all the prosecuting. He’d maybe throw a few extra shadows in just to contribute to the struggle. Besides, he was going to get something out of it too. He and Maleficent had made a deal.

One of those goons came to him, frantic, while he was on an exploit to another world. It was the snakish man from Agrabah (he hadn’t bothered to learn any of their names) and he was Sora’s latest victim. 

The confrontation happened over hot sandy dunes. Ones that even at night held their warmth. They reminded Riku too much of the sandy beaches he was never going to return to. Though if he was showing any discomfort, the man was oblivious to it. 

The man was a mix of emotions, overconfidence, doubt, and fear all at once. He rattled on to Riku about how a simple boy somehow cut through his heartless forces, how the boy was slowly encroaching towards his treasure. And the keyhole. And how he needed to be stopped.

Of course Sora could handle whatever this fool threw at him. He learned from the best, after all. 

But it still wasn’t in line with their plans to let Sora succeed, so Riku summoned up a particularly potent shadow to possess the guardian that protected the keyhole. The sand beneath parted to form a tiger’s snarling head, with viscous dark streams pouring out from its eyes and between its teeth. The snakish man snickered gleefully at the sight of it, and slithered off, back into whatever hole he crawled out of. Riku fell back, settled into his position of watching and waiting that he was growing so used to.

Sora showed up, eventually, and with the help of his friends, he was able to conquer this beast too. Not without it taking its toll, though. From atop those same sand dunes, Riku watched them drag their feet past their defeated foe, fatigued and slow, into a cave full of more traps and foes than they yet knew. A little smile of satisfaction crossed his face. He played his part in slowing them down, so no one could say he didn’t try.

Though Riku was here for another job, and as long as the snakish-man did his part correctly (which it seemed like he did, otherwise the idiot musketeers wouldn’t have shown up) he would be leaving this world with his last bargaining chip for Maleficent.

And yet Sora, again, never one to realize when he was in over his head, still managed to cut the snakish man down. Beat him so badly it was embarrassing to watch. Riku did watch, of course. He saw everything, just from a safe distance away. He didn’t intervene, because no one told him to. And honestly, if these fools could handle Sora on their own, were they really worthy of his help in the first place?

Next Sora would be going for the keyhole. Riku supposed he shouldn’t allow them to get that far, but that wasn’t in his job description. Kidnapping the princess was. And the keyhole only provided an adequate distraction for him to swoop in when the princess was unguarded and defenseless, hiding from him in another room. She didn’t put up much of a fight.

He returned to the castle with his package neatly tucked under his arm. A council had already formed, awaiting his appearance. They were deep into discussing the recent events.

Maleficent was enraged. Maybe she was short-sighted after all, because she seemed to have put a lot of stock into this plan, only to have lost it all again. By a boy with a weapon he didn’t even know how to hold right. Just embarrassing.

Riku liked to sulk in the shadows while Maleficent met with her lackeys, because he’d hardly manage to get a word in otherwise. It was becoming routine for him now, distance, shroud, and observe. Even now, when he was growing rather impatient to collect his reward. Instead he observed Maleficent and her lackeys arguing over Sora. Most of them had the same things to say. _Are we really underestimating the boy?_ and similar.

Sprinkled in with some, _Jafar was a weakling, as were the others_ , and, _Only I know how to deal with the boy_ , from the even less self-aware ones.

One of the faceless voices called out above the others. “What does the brat matter! We acquired the princess, haven’t we?”

“The boy is a problem,” Maleficent pressed, between gritted teeth. “He’s already sealed one of the keyholes. And he will attempt to seal more.” And the arguments resumed.

Who would confront the key bearer next? The question hung uneasily over the room. And as more preposterous suggestions were shouted out, such as _Let’s just drown him! Burn him! Lock him in a cage!_ Riku grimaced silently, because no one knew the first thing about handling Sora. They weren’t going to succeed using the same tactics over again. Still, their fear and pride mixed together in a kind of unruly miasma that polluted the air, mulling over any logical thinking they might have had left in them. It was clear none of them knew what they were talking about, and it was really starting to striking a nerve.

So for once he stepped forward. Whether they would listen to him or not.

“It’s not just Sora, it’s his friends,” Riku announced. He didn’t _need_ to prove his worth to all the attendees at the altar, but there was still no harm in showing up. “He’s a total weakling without them. Even I know that.”

A wave of Maleficent’s spiny fingers stalled further chattering. She gave Riku a sideways glance and with one brow raised. “Oh? What do you suggest we do then, boy? You _are_ the expert, aren’t you?”

Riku snickered at her remark, but he put his hands up, feigning denial anyway. “I could help,” he started, frowning. “But first, you have to make good on that deal we made earlier.”

“Ah, correct,” Maleficent cooed. “All is in order. We’ll have the princess delivered shortly.”

She gestured a wave over the altar once again, and finally, Riku saw what he had been waiting for. In Maleficent’s dark magic, an image of Kairi floated before him. Asleep, but breathing.

The sight gripped at his heart suddenly, in a way he didn't anticipate. A mixture of both relief and anxiety overtook him, and he stalled for a second, unable to continue speaking or thinking or remember what was being said. Not until someone at the altar began to loudly question his authority, which reignited the agitation he had burrowing in his chest. He took a breath, and reminded himself this was no place to show weakness.

So he continued explaining Sora’s weaknesses to the council, like he hadn’t just forgotten how to breathe a second ago. Like it was something he could even think right now. He tried to.

It wasn’t until he was in his room again, later that night, and confronted with Kairi, really, really Kairi, in the flesh, unresponsive, laying in his bed, that the facade broke, and he crumbled down to the floor.

Like a distant memory, their island and everyone on it was gone. Not just from his mind, gone from existence. Gone to never haunt him again. But Kairi wasn’t. For the first time, Riku faced the ramifications of what he had done in the form of the limp body before him. An innocent one, who deserved to be alive and at his side now. And tears welled up inside the eyes that had been dried over by his arrogance and his rage.

He allowed himself a moment of weakness just to sit and cry, and feel sorry for himself, and miss his friends. Just this one. Because he wouldn’t be able to afford it later.


	3. Chapter 3

When Riku was five years old, his father took him out to the island for the first time.

He remembered being ecstatic, because their small town on the mainland was all he had ever known. He knew it from its start, to its end. He knew if you traced the perimeter of the beach you would eventually end up back in the same spot. He knew there wasn’t a single inch of their town where you weren’t being watched by the adults. But the island was different. It had all kinds of hidden spots a kid could run off into.

And that was the first thing he did. He found a secret cave hidden behind some brush, so when no one was looking, he quickly darted inside. 

The space was cramped and dark, but he wasn’t afraid. He sat on the cold stone with his knees up to his chest, excited to be alone for the first time. Excited he had found a place where the light never touched, and he couldn’t be seen by anyone. His heart beat so loud with nervous excitement, he might have jumped when he heard a whisper echo out into the cave, but decided it was just the wind. He was big, now. He had to start being brave.

Riku’s father chided him for running off after they returned home, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t take him back to the island just a few weeks later. And soon, Riku’s parents were letting him go without them, with his friends and their parents instead. Then, after he turned seven, they let him go on his own. Just as long as he was home for dinner.

Riku brought out all his friends to the island from that point, and the first thing he would do is show them all the coolest places you could hide and all the funnest things you could do without your parents knowing. They declared the island to be an adult-free place, where they could be whatever they wanted to be. Astronauts, explorers, plunderers, knights or princesses. They could fight or wrestle. Riku could punch his friend in the face and get away with it. And he did, a lot. 

He challenged them, if they could beat him at anything, a race, a spar, a game of jacks, they could punch him as much as they wanted, too.

The punches never hurt more than the feeling of exhilaration they gave him, knowing he was the one making the rules.

But the novelty of an adult-free island wore off when Riku was pushing adulthood himself. At that point, he had explored every inch of the island just like he knew every inch of the mainland, and the horror was slowly setting in on him, creeping into his mind just a little more each year older that he grew, that this was really it. There wasn’t anything more to the world.

That soon, he was going to graduate from school, assimilate into the same job his father has, he was going to get married and have a kid, who he takes out to this island and tells the same lie. That there is something more out there. He was trapped in this cycle from the day he was born. This prophetically boring, painful cycle.

One time he expressed this thought to Sora, who was his friend of just one year younger than him, and was shocked to find that Sora didn’t understand a single thing he said. Sora loved this island, he was happy to assimilate. He didn’t understand what was so wrong about that. _Everything_ , Riku told him.


	4. Chapter 4

Riku woke with a start. His heart rate was elevated, his sheets were clinging stickily to his perspired skin, and his eyes were wide. Searching. He was searching. And anxious. Searching for something. What was he searching for? All he saw was black. 

After a moment he reminded himself he always awoke in the darkness like this. He slept in a very dark castle. Why would he expect different?

Riku threw the thin covers off his too-hot body and reached for the edge of his bed, where he let his head cradle towards his knees. Darkness cooled the flesh it washed over. Soothed him back into his normal self. He let it. It helped to disperse the misplaced childish fear stuck in his chest.

The night terrors that his powers brought on were maddening, but it was the trade off for accepting them. He knew. He especially knew because of the whispering in his head that told him so, adding tender words of reassurance. Riku wished he could shut them off. He didn’t need them.

It was hard enough living inside these walls, adjusting his bones to their permanent residence in the dark. Awkwardly, and slowly. Power wasn’t good enough. He needed a different reminder as to why he was here.

“Kai-” he started, but paused. The syllable rang out differently into his room, and it didn’t take long for his eyes to adjust before Riku could sizably tell he was, contrary to his expectation, alone.

And the voice echoed in his head differently this time, angrier.

_Where is she._

Riku stormed the castle’s black hallways until someone was unfortunate enough to cross his path, and that unfortunate one was Maleficent. Exactly the person he expected to find.

The only person he expected to find, but still. 

He was on the balls of his feet in a second, Soul Eater in hand, pressed up close to the witch’s thin neck. His lips turned down in a scowl as he spoke. “Where is she!" he spat. "What did you do to her!”

Maleficent didn’t react, apart from a little smirk forming on her face. “Ooh? You mean the princess?” she cooed. 

“Who else?” Riku grunted.

“My child, I’m afraid it wasn’t me who did anything to the girl.”

“Then, who?”

Maleficent laughed in response. Anger spread through Riku’s veins like ice.

The fist clenching at Soul Eater’s hilt found the sword slipping away, until that fist was clenched around Maleficent’s throat instead. It cut her laughter off, and just for a second she glared down at Riku with wickedly wide eyes.

“...An-n-sem...” she croaked out, and Riku, suddenly confused, released the witch from his grasp. Her form tumbled to the floor.

“You mean, he’s here?” Riku tentatively said, eyeing the space around the corridor. Like Ansem could suddenly appear behind them. “What is… Where is he? Where did he take Kairi!”

A chuckle escaped from the witch at his feet, bringing his attention back there. Along with a simmering rage. 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” she chortled delightfully. Riku’s hands shot forward in a second, but only passed through a plume of green smoke where Maleficent used to be.

He was alone in the hallway again. His hands gripped around in the air fruitlessly.

Pure, unbridled anger drove Riku forward through the castle. He couldn’t be sure where they were hiding in a place this large. But instinct led him to follow the scent of darkness that lingered in the castle's pitch black halls, like a crumb trail Ansem had left him intentionally. It was obvious the man was drawing him closer now. Deeper into the castle than he’d ever gone before.

It didn’t matter that he couldn’t see where he was going. It didn’t matter that Ansem was the one waiting for him. Fear didn’t have a place in his heart anymore.

Not when he was supposed to be protecting Kairi. When he was the only one who could anymore.

But try as he might, Riku just couldn’t sense her anywhere. Ansem’s darkness was the only thing left this far in. It encompassed everything it touched.

The part of the castle he found himself in was old and untouched. It was always close by, yet it was so foreign to him still. As the ceilings grew higher over him, he began to feel smaller and smaller underneath. Somehow, the halls appeared like a sinister entity all on their own. Living, breathing, drawing him further into its jowls. Something small fluttered in Riku’s chest. So he reminded himself. Again. Fear didn’t have a place in his heart anymore.

Soon he came to grandiose entrance, of what must have been the heart of the castle. It entered into a great hall. Wide staircases adorned an imposing landing above him, and the whole area, top to bottom, was lined with electrical wiring and exposed piping. Worn old tapestries barely covered its industrial parts. Riku couldn’t believe a place this massive had always been hidden here. It was where Ansem’s scent was the strongest.

So, he crept in. He searched both the lower hall and the entire landing. There was no one here.

Only silence, accompanied with the humming of electricity. No heartless, no other living things. But the scent was still here. He must have been hiding.

Instead of searching in vain, Riku allowed himself to roam about. Cautiously, he went to examine the source of the humming noise at the bottom of the stairs, where he discovered tall, glass chambers lining the walls there. From them, a haunting bluish hue emanated. It was some of the only light in this part of the hall. 

There were six that were occupied, he noticed, but only two by the princesses he remembered collecting for Maleficent. So that’s where they disappeared to.

They lied lifeless, upright in the glass chambers, while crystals steadily grew up the length of their body. Some were nearly engulfed in the crystals, and some, like the princess from Agrabah, only had the beginning of a crystal coat waxing their skin. Riku remarked that as particularly strange, since he’d never seen this phenomenon before. Neither had Maleficent mentioned it to him. His mind cycled through the possibilities of what this was, or why they were here. Had Ansem done this to them? Had he always been here, in the castle with them, conducting his business without anyone even knowing? 

Until he examined that next glass case along, and found it wasn’t just occupied by another nameless princess. It was occupied by Kairi.

And suddenly nothing else mattered anymore. Riku was in a rush to free her from her glass prison. A heavy latch was hidden under the container’s lip. It took all his strength to throw it off.

The blue lights dimmed as the case parted away, and there Kairi lied, unobstructed. Only droplets of crystals covered her skin, nothing compared to the full formations he’d seen in the other chambers, but there was enough growth there that parts of her arms had become cemented against the chamber walls. He discovered this when he tried to help her out, but her arms stayed glued inside. 

A subtle panic gripped him. He had no idea if Kairi was being hurt here, or if he risked hurting her by removing her now. He had no idea what these machines were capable of doing. But against any more fears that might have dug their way into his heart, Riku continued tugging at her torso, and carefully, one by one, Kairi’s limbs broke off from the chamber’s casing with little specks of crystal fragments following. Finally, hurt or not, Kairi was safely in his arms.

Riku breathed a sigh of relief. He could tell she was still breathing, at least. When he swiped a finger over a piece of the crystal growth, it crumpled off her skin as if it was losing its grip. Underneath, the skin appeared unmarred. That was good. He was going to make sure he got all of this stuff off of her, just to make sure she was completely safe. Once they were out of this place.

A shadow passed over them from behind. Riku spun around so fast, his sleeping friend nearly slipped out of his grasp. Though, there was no one in the hall. Just himself and Kairi.

“ _We have accomplished much,_ ” the voice whispered out, not from inside his head, but this time from the hall. Directly into his ear. Riku knew no one was there. Still, he continued darting around over his shoulder, trying to find the voice. Expecting it to be stood just behind him.

“Ansem!” Riku called out. “What’s going on here!”

There was no answer, besides the echoing of his own voice. It repeated back to him, “ _-going on here-_ ”, weaker-sounding than he expected. Riku held steadfast onto Kairi, but he still faltered, backed nearly up against the chamber so that nothing could catch him from behind.

Not out of fear, of course. He just, didn’t want Ansem to surprise him.

The voice continued on, ignoring his question. It almost mocked him.

“ _The princess belongs here,_ ” in one of his ears.

“ _We are so close to our goal,_ ” in his other.

“ _Isn’t this what you want?_ ”

“ _We’ve done this together, Riku._ ”

“ _You and I. Together._ ”

“ _Soon our wish will come true._ ”

He wasn’t crazy. He really wasn’t, because when he covered up his ears, the voice still persisted. Ansem really wasn’t there. It was just a trick.

“ _We are so close to opening the door._ ”

“Enough of this,” Riku grunted quietly. Just to himself. Maybe to Kairi, if she was even listening. This hall was making him sick. Soon, he couldn’t even differentiate the electric humming from the growling in his head. 

So he carried Kairi securely, supporting her limp frame the best he could through the tug of his own weakening muscles, and dragged his feet away from the crystalline chambers, and away from this creepy hall. He ignored the voice’s taunts and attempted to focus on retracing his steps instead, despite how loud it had grown. 

It only got quieter the more distance he put between himself and that hall, and the closer his bed grew instead.


	5. Chapter 5

When he watched over Kairi, the voice in his head was silent. It was a miracle.

It didn’t matter that she wasn’t awake to fill the silence, because for once Riku relished in it. He wasn’t thinking about the impending future, or how directionless he felt. He didn’t have to think about a certain friend that had abandoned them, or how that friend replaced them both. And he didn’t have to hear that stupid voice, always praying on his insecurities. Making him feel small, and weak.

Instead, he could watch Kairi’s peaceful features as she slept. He’d count her steady breaths, watch the way her bangs rose and fell as she breathed into them, and wonder about what kind of dreams she was having. He hoped they were pleasant ones. Not like his.

Riku had her propped up on her own little throne--a seat he had allocated to her from a library just down the hall. It felt strange leaving her in his bed, while he slept on the floor instead. That way, it was really giving Riku the feeling that she was never going to wake up again. It was depressing. Unnerving, even. 

With her sat up this way though, even asleep, Kairi felt like she could be just another resident of the castle. Maybe even a visitor. A visitor for him!

No one had ever come to visit him before, so it felt just that much more special. Kairi was always special. He always knew it.

He couldn’t remember what her voice sounded like anymore. But still, he would sometimes talk to her while she sat like this and try to imagine what she would say back. Maybe he could remember her laugh if he tried hard enough. He could remember the days of running barefoot on the beach with her, hot sand slipping through their toes and tripping them up, and the sound escaping her mouth. Sora was always there, too. Always laughing along with them. 

He hoped he wasn’t mistaking her laugh for Sora’s. He heard enough of that, but not for him. For someone else. For everyone but him.

Truthfully, sometimes he heard Sora’s voice coming from Kairi’s mouth. It only happened when he was feeling particularly lonely, and Kairi’s silent presence just wasn’t good enough. Sometimes, he was just so desperate for a response, his mind filled it in with all it could remember. His vision blurred, and he couldn’t tell who he was speaking to anymore, Kairi or Sora, if they were asleep or awake. If they were on the island or just trapped with him in his dark bedroom. Maybe they were someplace else. Some place in the future none of them had been to yet. Somewhere they would all be together again in the end. 

Their words came out jumbled and intangible in his mind, but Riku could tell what they were saying with his heart. They were saying how happy they were to see him.

A laugh escaped from his own throat. It didn’t ring out into the open air, but resonated off of his four close walls, and was heard by nobody else but himself. Whatever fantasy he was living inside shattered. He was still alone.

The laugh just felt awkward. It was coming from a place inside of him where there was no joy left. He faced away from Kairi quickly, as if she was going to see him embarrassing himself like this, even though her eyes were still closed.


End file.
